Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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