sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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