seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
