did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Randomize
