Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
