he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
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