That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
You can't motorboat a personality
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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