I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I have tasted many bathrooms
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
