It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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