They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
