wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
he just fucked me for my cheese.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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