she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Randomize
