Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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