So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
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