YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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