hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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