Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of j�ger and an empty bed here Friday.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
