She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
