I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
