He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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