I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
