see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
