If you die in college, do you die in real life?
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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