you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
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