Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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