I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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