Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize
