At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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