You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
