my mouth tastes like poor choices
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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