So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I can't turn off my feet"
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Randomize
