All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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