he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Randomize
