omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
