i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
