we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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