Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
