Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Randomize
