I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
