I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
