Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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