I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
