Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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