I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
