i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
bring money and cleavage
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
