Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Randomize
