just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I miss vodka workout Fridays
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
