dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
