It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
