You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
